Girl By Any Other Name Read online

  Her smile lifted. “I wasn’t kind. I used to be very cynical and angry all the time. But you see, I had this really amazing friend growing up. He taught me how beautiful the world can be if you just open your eyes.”

  Chapter 26

  Present day

  The sound of “Mama Said Knock You Out” interrupted my sleep. I glanced over to Sylvie, who shifted in my arms, her soft hair splayed across my chest. She blinked her eyes open, arching an eyebrow in amusement as I reached for my phone.

  “Is that LL Cool J?” she asked, stretching.

  “Yeah, Momma’s ringtone.” Momma still had a hard time grasping the two-hour time difference between us.

  She giggled. “It’s appropriate.”

  “Hi, Momma,” I greeted, holding my finger against my lips.

  “Hello, son, I’m sorry to call so early, but I have a busy day and wanted to catch you. Have you booked your flight yet for Thanksgiving?”

  Shit.

  “I’m not going to make it this year.” I winced as the seconds ticked by with her heavy silence on the other end. I imagined the tears she struggled to hold back, and I felt like a complete shithead.

  “Christmas and Thanksgiving are the only times we see you anymore.” Her voice boomed out, and I knew Sylvie could hear both sides of the conversation.

  “I’m sorry, Momma. I’m really busy this year.”

  “Is it a girl?” Amelia Tanner could read me like a kindergarten primer.

  “Maybe,” I said, hoping she’d drop it. I should have known better.

  “That’s wonderful. Bring her with you. Show her where you’re from.” I could practically see my mother’s beaming smile.

  Shit.

  “It’s too soon. We just started dating.” It wasn’t a total lie.

  “Tell me about her,” Momma asked.

  What could I say? That I loved Sylvie? That she made my heart stammer, my pulse quicken, and my brain work in crazy ways? Then Momma wouldn’t let it go.

  “She’s very special to me.” I stroked Sylvie’s hair, unable to resist touching her. “She’s beautiful and smart and kind.”

  I kissed Sylvie’s nose. “She’s strong…and stubborn, too.”

  “She sounds lovely. Why don’t you just ask her? She might just say yes.”

  “She has to work. Tell me about you, Momma.”

  “She must be special since you’ve never mentioned a girl to me since—” She halted mid-sentence. Momma didn’t mention Sylvie’s name anymore.

  “Don’t worry about me. I want to know how y’all are doing,” I said.

  “I wish you’d come down for Thanksgiving. There is someone I want you to meet.”

  “Who?’

  “The man I’m dating.”

  I shot straight up in the bed, pulling the covers with me. “Who is he?”

  “Remember Paul Casper?”

  “Him? He can’t even hold down a job.”

  “Calm down, Cal. It’s not him. It’s his brother, Alan.”

  “I don’t know an Alan Casper.”

  “I went to high school with him. He moved off the island, but he’s back now.”

  I wasn’t naïve enough to believe my mother didn’t date. She was an attractive woman after all, but she’d never been serious enough to want me to meet any of her dates. “Has Mandy met him?”

  “Yes, a few times. She likes him. I think you will, too. He’s a very nice man.”

  “He better be if he wants to date my momma. If he’s anything like his brother, then I don’t approve.”

  I imagined her shaking her head through the phone. “Well, he’s not, and I approve.”

  “What does he do for a living? Why did he move out of town? Why is he back?”

  “I wasn’t expecting an inquisition.”

  “I’m sorry, but if he’s dating you, then he needs to meet certain standards.”

  She sighed. “He’s a dentist. He’s opening a practice here, so now we don’t have to take the damn ferry and drive forty-five minutes to get our teeth cleaned. He’s wonderful.”

  “Then why isn’t he already married?”

  “You seriously need to get a hold of yourself! He’s divorced, if you must know.”

  “Why is that? There has to be a reason.”

  “I didn’t ask him, but since you’re so curious, I’d suggest you come home for Thanksgiving so you can meet him.”

  “Did Daddy like him when y’all were in high school?”

  “What does that matter?”

  “Because my father was a good judge of character, and his approval holds a lot of weight with me.”

  “We were all friends.” Her voice grew softer, and I felt guilty bringing it up.

  “I’m sorry, Momma. I just don’t want you to get hurt or be taken advantage of. There are many men out there who prey on women like you.”

  “Caleb James Tanner, do you think I’m a fool?”

  “No, ma’am. You’re a smart, capable woman, who raised a son that will beat any man’s ass that dares hurt her.”

  She chuckled. “You’ve always been a protector. It’s in your blood. I’ll be fine. Please think about coming home, you hear me?”

  “Okay,” I said to appease her. “I love you.”

  “I love you too, son. And tell that girl she better treat you right or she’ll be hearing from your momma.”

  “Will do. Give Mandy my love.” I hung up and threw the phone on the dresser. Sylvie put her arm around me and leaned her head against my chest.

  “You miss them a lot, don’t you?” she asked.

  I stroked her hair. “They’re fine, Sylvie.”

  “You didn’t answer my question.”

  I curled my fingers over hers and squeezed her hand. “I miss them.”

  “You should go home for the holidays. They need you. I’ll be fine. I’ve spent most holidays by myself. It’s just another day for me. I’m used to it.”

  A montage of Sylvie cooking holiday dinners for one and sitting on her stool to paint a picture went through my mind. That was her past. She would never spend another holiday alone. I would make sure of it. There would be laughter and presents and music for both of us.

  “Not anymore.” I took her hand and kissed it. “I’m right where I should be. End of subject, okay?”

  “’Kay.”

  The truth was, I wanted my family back together. I wanted all of us in one place. That included Sylvie.

  Chapter 27

  Present day

  She made me barbeque brisket and homemade iced tea like Momma did. Maybe she was even trying to convince me to go home for the holidays. How did she not understand? She. Was. My. Home.

  Neither of us talked about it, opting to watch a movie. She fell asleep on the couch, so I carried her to bed.

  Sylvie, asleep in my bed, was still a surreal feeling, except tonight she stirred and shifted. Her panicked shrieks signaled a nightmare. I recognized the signs from when we were younger when I had snuck into her bedroom window and laid beside her almost every night.

  She hadn’t had one since we found each other. She began shaking, like she was crying, but no tears came. I gently shook her shoulder, kissing her cheek, whispering reassurances to coax her awake. As soon as she opened her eyes, her mouth dropped and her eyes widened with terror. She wrapped her arms around my neck, clinging to me. I rolled us over so she was on top of me.

  I stroked her hair, trying to comfort her. “Hey, you’re okay. You just had a dream, sweetheart.”

  She didn’t answer. She gripped me as if I was a buoy in a tragic storm.

  “Do you want to talk about it?”

  “No.”

  “It might help.”

  “I said no.” Hot tears rolled off her chin onto my chest. “Just hold me.”

  I pulled her away from me so I could look at her face. She pressed her lips against mine. She rolled her tongue over my mouth causing me to go instantly hard. I opened my mouth for her. We were both embraced in each
other. I rolled us so I was on top of her now.

  “Sylvie, what are you doing?”

  “I must be doing a crappy job if you don’t know.”

  “Talk to me,” I said, gripping her arms and holding her slightly away from me so she would look at me.

  “I may not be talking, but I’m definitely communicating. Will you please listen? I need you, Caleb. I need you now.”

  That was enough for me. I returned her kisses, but there was something hungry and desperate in her touch. Each kiss, each caress, became emotional and feral. I matched her motions. I pressed my mouth against her neck, licking her salty skin, moving down the familiar path. She shifted up, and I lifted my T-shirt off her. Then I rolled down her panties. She dominated me. Maybe she needed to. I let her.

  She took my bottom lip inside her mouth. Our tongues danced and darted, our breathing sped up, and our hands explored each other’s needy bodies.

  “I want you inside of me,” she said with desperation.

  Her fingers roamed down my chest into the waistband of my boxers and grasped my erection. She stroked me in her delicate hands, forming a tight circle with her fingers, moving up and down my length. I groaned in response. I eased inside her with my own fingers, shocked at how slick she was. I pushed her legs apart and took both her hands, holding them above her head. I moved inside her and began thrusting. Our mutual need was too great for our own good. I found myself propelling deeply with reckless abandon, feeling the tightness of her walls embrace and welcome me. Her legs encircled my hips, rubbing against my ass. She was free and wild and so fucking beautiful.

  “You feel so perfect,” I stammered between breaths. I released her wrists and gripped her hips. A small annoying thought crept into my mind about how she felt extra incredible right now, but I shoved it away.

  Her hands fisted my hair. “Fuck me hard, Caleb.”

  The words were my undoing. I reared my head back, begging my body to stay in control. Taking in a sharp breath, I leaned my forehead against hers. “Baby, please tell me you’re close because I am. I am going to come so fucking hard inside of you.”

  Her arms tightened around my shoulders. I lifted her ass off the bed, going even deeper, rocking into her with every part of my anatomy. Our bodies moved in rhythmic primal pleasure, aided by the moist sheen of sweat over our skin. “Don’t let go of me,” I warned her.

  “Never,” she moaned. I meant it in the physical sense, but her response was emotional.

  “I love you, Sylvie,” I said.

  She nodded in reply. I shook my head, my words coming out like a harsh garbled command. “I need the words. Say them to me. Say them for me.”

  “I love you, Caleb. I am yours.”

  “Oh, God, yes,” she screamed, rolling her head back. She tightened, shivered, and released her climax. I buried my face into her neck, moving once more before I came hard and fast, filling her with my seed.

  Filling her with my seed.

  Fuck.

  I rolled off her, lying next to her for a few seconds, trying to wrap my head around what just happened. We were both covered in sweat and breathing heavy, but I managed to stumble to the bathroom to get her a damp towel. I turned on the hallway light so I would be able to see her. I sat on the edge of the bed and wiped her down.

  “You’ve never done this before,” she said, staring at me.

  I discarded the towel in the laundry basket. I kissed her, gently. “What was your dream about?”

  “That night, except in my dream, you died.”

  “I’m right here and so are you. We’re both safe. I’m sorry you had a nightmare, but I’d be lying if I didn’t admit I loved the consequences.”

  “I guess I just lost control. I was pretty caught up in the moment.”

  “We both were in the moment. Neither of us remembered the condom.”

  She cupped her hand to her mouth, blinking rapidly. I took her hand to calm her. “I promise I’m clean. I’ve been tested and…”

  “I’m not worried about that.” She sat up, pulling her long legs up to her chest, and wrapped her arms around them. Her hair fell over her, covering her like a mask.

  “Are you mad at me for this?” I pushed the long silky strands out of the way so I could see her face.

  “It was my fault, not yours.”

  “It was both our faults.” I tucked strands of hair behind her ear. I kissed her forehead, but she remained rigid. What are you worried about, sweetheart?”

  “What if I get pregnant?”

  I put a hand on each side of her face and lifted it so she was looking at me and clearly to see my smile. “Then we deal with it. It would be a happy surprise.”

  She didn’t reply. I moved back to my side of the bed, hoping she would clue me into whatever she needed right now.

  She lifted her head. In the dim light, her face turned pale. “How can you say that?”

  “How can you not?” I asked, pointedly. She looked close to tears though, so I turned the tight grimness I was feeling into a soft smile for her benefit. I clasped her arms. “We talked about this kind of thing once, remember? The pulling out method,” I said, trying to calm her, but it had the opposite effect.

  She furrowed her brow. “Yes, but you didn’t pull out, did you?”

  “Sylvie, I realize the timing isn’t great, and it wouldn’t be the ideal order of things, but if you ended up pregnant, I would be a very happy man.”

  She shook her head. “You don’t understand. Bringing a baby into our already complicated lives…well, that’s just really irresponsible.” She moved her legs over and got on her side with her back toward me.

  “Do you not want to have my child?”

  “That’s not why, and you know it.”

  I fought the urge not to give in to the frustration I felt. I lay back in bed, staring at the ceiling for a minute, trying to get the rampant thoughts in my head in order. “What the fuck are we doing?”

  She turned to me. “What do you mean?”

  “I mean…this thing we have feels so perfect, so right, and yet stagnant, too. Maybe it’s too soon to say this, but I’ve never held back with you, not even when we were kids, so I’m just going to tell you what I’m feeling. I want to have babies with you…lots of them. I hope to God they’re all as beautiful, smart, and kind as you. Frankly, it really makes me sad that you don’t share those feelings. I want to take you home to meet my family, or re-meet them. At least then they can stop worrying so much about me. They miss you too, you know. I want us to belong to each other in every way two people are tied, but it’s like we can’t get past this fucking line. We’re living in purgatory.”

  She rubbed my shoulder, peering over me. “Cal, of course I want your babies, but I don’t think it’s a good idea for us to have children…at least not right now. Honestly, I can’t guarantee I’ll ever change my mind on that. I don’t want to put another life in danger, especially not a child. I’m so sorry. I never wanted this for you. I swear it. Besides the risks of being with me, I never wanted you to make these sacrifices because I know firsthand how unfair they are. I wanted you to have a normal relationship and do all those things real people do. That’s the other reason I never dated you in high school. That I stayed away all these years.”

  I felt like a complete idiot. This girl had never had anything normal, not even her name. I had just successfully fed into all her self-doubts and guilt about us, fortifying those feelings for her.

  I turned to her, but she had her back to me now. She was trying to hide her tears. “Sylvie, please look at me. I need you to look at me when I say this to you.”

  She turned, lying flat on her back. She tried wiping away the tears, but I got there first, kissing them away. “Baby, I’ve told you I loved you with all the adjectives that exist in my vernacular. But let me tell you this. Those sacrifices you’re talking about? I understand your reasoning. I can live with them. You’re right, we can’t have a baby right now. So, we’ll get you the morning-after
pill and pray that you’re not pregnant, okay?”

  She didn’t reply so I kept going.

  “One thing I’m not willing to sacrifice is you.” I buried my face into her neck, not wanting her to see the tears that were threatening to form at the corner of my own eyes. “I can’t handle losing you again. Please don’t leave me, okay?”

  She ran her fingers through my hair and kissed my cheek. “We don’t have to get the pill. We’ll just pray. Let’s go to sleep. We’re both tired.”

  I fell asleep in her arms, feeling the comfort that only she provided me.

  It wasn’t until the next morning that the dread set in.

  She never answered my question about leaving.

  Chapter 28

  Present day

  “‘Look, darlin’, it’s Johnny Ringo, deadliest pistoleer since Wild Bill, they say.’” Tony greeted me with the Tombstone quote, bumping Molly’s shoulder. We often quoted Tombstone since we both liked it so much. He motioned the waitress for another round.

  “‘Why, it’s the drunk piano player. You’re so drunk, you can’t hit nothin’. In fact, you’re probably seeing double,’” I replied, adding my own quote. I shook his hand. “How come you always get to be Doc Holliday?”

  He smiled. “Cause I’m the hero.”

  “I think Wyatt Earp was the hero.”

  “Debatable.”

  “Hey, Molly,” I said before taking up residence in my usual seat.

  “You’ve been avoiding us,” she replied with iciness in her tone that I wasn’t used to.

  “I’ve been busy.” I hoped she would let it go at that. I should have known better. They had both texted and called me. I had been avoiding them. We usually met up every week like clockwork, but I had bailed since finding Sylvie. I didn’t want to give up a minute with her. The only reason I was here at all was because she needed to finish one of her portraits tonight, and she insisted I get out of her hair.

  “Busy with your new girl?” Tony asked. Damn, I wasn’t sure if he was drunk or it just slipped his mind, but I’d asked him not to bring it up in front of Molly. I wasn’t hiding it, but it would only hurt Molly. She had pretty much laid her heart out for me, and I couldn’t reciprocate those feelings.